Life Behind Our Eyelids - Part 1

(The original blog post was written and posted in October 2006 on another blog site. I have abridged and revised it for posting here today)

After years of counseling and dealing with people of all ages, all walks of life, and in all kinds of situations, I have methodically come to a very disheartening conclusion. Actually I had never put into words what in my "gut" I knew; someone else did it for me.

As I was driving home for my daughter's volleyball game a few years ago, I was scanning through radio channels. Depression. With that word, I paused the scanning to listen. It was a voice that I had heard way back in the past. Back in my Bible college and early missionary years, we were often presented with the basic and foundational preaching of Dr. Lehman Strauss. It has been years since I have heard his name or thought about his penetrating preaching of God's word. His message was as timely as any I have ever heard on the subject of "depression".

Hear me loud and clear. I am clinical enough in my perceptions to realize, accept, and concur that some depressive behavior can be caused by chemical imbalances in a person's body left unchecked. I have seen that firsthand in Africa working with war victims, in my own family as we dealt with the long-term illness and subsequent death of my brother, and with others close to me that have dealt with sudden or latent reality of trauma or a life out of control. In effect, depression can be a result of the body's response to life as it comes to us. Chemically-induced or self-induced, the results are the same. Though I am not inclined to say that depression, in its purist form, is a disease; I do believe there are underlying physical and psychological results that can embed into the physical body in disease-like fashion.

I am no doctor nor ascribed psychologist, at least not with a piece of paper hanging on my wall. I will classify that right now, so you'll know there is no recognition, medical journal, or academic credit waiting at the end of this spill.

I am concerned for Christians who are caught up in the clinical diagnoses of depression without giving one whit of concern to the spiritual aspect (which is more our own responsibility). We have played into the hands of a societal way of thinking that our problems are someone else's fault. As Christians, this is not a biblical nor healthy outlook.

When we live our lives for "us" and only "us", we are men or women most miserable. When we concentrate on what comes our way or doesn't come our way, how people treat us or how they mistreat us, how we are understood or misunderstood, how life sends us rain or sunshine, and how we deserve so much more than is on our plate at a given moment -- it is a debilitating exercise that will naturally bring on depressive symptoms. Just this week I have counseled two twenty-something young women churning inside this kind of oppressive mindset. One is having trouble sleeping at night, cannot ever rest her mind or spirit, is precariously thin, and feels she has lost connection with her family in some sense. She has needed the encouragement from her parents, but because of their own intrinsic struggles, they have not been able to give any of this support to her.

So, this young lady is stuck in this vacuum of "self" - churning around in her heart, head, and soul, the inclination that she cannot control any part of her life because she does not have what she needs from others. While she has an outstanding philosophical knowledge of God and His Word, her personal relationship based on faith and grace is stilted and ineffective at this point.

The other young woman has been hit with the same thing. Her family support base is far away, so she has thrown the dice of her heart and well-being into the hands of friends in this city. When she faced an incredibly difficult family situation that shook her to her very core, instead of concentrating on God's grace, mercy, and power, she concentrated on what she was NOT receiving from her friends. After dwelling on this for quite some time, she made the blunt, but not unpredictable decision to break off all ties and find new friends, a new support base. (And thus the cycle of broken relationships because of disappointment will most likely continue in her life)

There is a time and place for that kind of action, but it is not the ultimate answer to any problem in life. The clear and harsh fact is that people will disappoint us, even those who are joined to us at the hip, so to speak. If who we are is all about how others treat us, what they say to us, what they do for us, how they hold us up and encourage us......then we are in serious trouble. Lehman Strauss, in his sermon on depression and the Christian, spoke of the self-centered nature of many depressed Christians; how it is difficult to see past how life/others have treated them. He, too, has counseled numerous Christians who succumbed to the belief that life had dealt unfairly with them. Anytime we dwell on the fair vs. the unfair, we will lose the reasoning battle. It is a dangerous and defeating place to dwell.

Both of these young women are experiencing varying degrees of depression. Instinctively, I do not believe that either of them are chemically imbalanced. Yes, the correct diet can help some, exercise can always help, and perhaps taking herbs and vitamins can diminish some of the symptoms of depression. Proper sleep habits is a given.

But, ultimately, we have to face up to the reality that there is no one on this earth who is completely responsible for us. However, there is hope. God paid the price through the giving of His Son to the death of the cross more than 2000 years ago to prove that He, and He alone, is willing and totally able to take responsibility of us: body, soul, and spirit.

In essence, the penalty of living an "all about me" life is constant pain, loneliness, and disillusionment with those around us. When we refocus our eyes on God, our Heavenly Father, and His desire to make us complete through His Son (Colossians 1:18), it is a step in the right direction. Focusing extrinsically on others is a healing balm like none other. Dwelling on the amazing beauty found in this earth is like fresh, cool water to a dry throat. Looking outward and upward is the key to stepping out of the pothole of disenchantment with life as we see it from our inner eyelids.

Let's open our eyes and step into the Light.

Does 2 Years of Grandmothering Make Me a Veteran Granny?

Today Layna turns 2. The strange thing about that is I can vividly remember how just a few years ago - Layna's mommy was two! How can time be so fleeting? But it stops for no one....not even for grandmothers.

Simply put, even in the midst of a full and busy life, I know that I have the pleasure and privilege TO TAKE TIME with my granddaughter. When we have our Layna-Noni days - usually on Fridays, I have no other agenda but to enjoy Layna. The dishes pile up in the sink. The laundry remains in its piles on the floor. Toilets don't get scrubbed. And if I go to a store, it is to buy a toy and nothing else. That is the privilege of being a grandparent. Her basic needs are taken care of by her amazing parents, Michelle and Frank. I simply get to laugh, kiss, play, sing, snuggle, giggle, swing, and walk with little Layna. God is a MASTER ENGINEER in this thing called life! Being a parent is one of the highest and most rewarding callings that I know and I am blessed by the most incredible daughters ever born! But a grandparent? I am not sure that I can even define what was in God's mind when He designed the strategic tier of family. But I like it. I like it a lot! Grandparents surely add the icing to the top of the yummy cake. We are the jelly in a peanut butter sandwich. We are the white stuff in the middle of the oreo. We are the extra change found in a pocket of jeans. We are the old, well-used tattered blanket that brings so much comfort into a child's world.

So, today, I will celebrate Layna - being sure to thank God for the blessings that she has brought into my life for these two very short years! She opened a door in my heart that I never knew was there. She flung it wide open with her first beautiful breath and it can never ever close again. It stands opened, ready, and waiting for the next one and the one after that and the fourth, the fifth...and will not be satisfied until it has welcomed all the precious, amazing creatures deemed to be my grandchildren!!!

Ah, Layna! You've taught me so much in your two short years. Reminding me that some of the most important things are the little things like dancing a jig, making up a silly song, crawling around on the floor, eating outside on a blanket, taking a walk to get the mail, listening to your breathing as you sleep. Let's keep learning and laughing and loving and...yes, even breaking the rules! :)

I can't wait until Friday and another Layna-Noni day to enjoy!

Happy birthday, my sweet sweet girl!

Six Months After My Dad's Surgery

I was just down with my parents a few days ago and was just amazed at my dad. If you have followed my blog at all, you know that he had his second leg amputated in March because of infection (from diabetes). When the news came that he would need to have his last good leg amputated, I must admit that it made me very anxious for several reasons. Would he be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life? Would he be strong enough (mentally and physically) to rise to the challenge of rehab? How would my mom do through this transition? What would be my role?

I am the daughter of two very incredible parents. Both early into their seventies, they are still vital, strong, passionate, fun-loving, up-to-the-challenge people, continuing to live out the deep faith they have in their Savior. And they live it out in breathtaking color!

Six months after his surgery, my dad is walking on his own, though he has had a setback with an infected place on his leg - preventing him from walking directly for a couple of months. But now the sore has healed and his wheelchair is somewhat buried underneath his walker in the trunk of his car. I went with him to a doctor’s appointment the other day and even in the pouring rain, he stepped out of the car, walked up a slightly sloped ramp, and into the office. When he is at home, he likes to show off, displaying his ability to walk even without his walker, though he does not push it too far.

My mom has kept her sense of humor through this and they seem to have grown closer (if that is possible after 53 years of marriage) in spite of the unique challenges that have beset them. They inspire me every time I am able to spend time with them. They reach out to others, make time for family and friends, and continue to love jaunts to their mountain cabin.

Having had two knee surgeries before the age of 20 and even now struggle with osteoarthritis in both knees, I know that knee replacement is most likely in my future - though I do hope farther away than ever! When that time comes and the dynamics of my life changes, I will choose to act on the inspiration that I have seen in the lives of these two incredible people that I am absolutely blessed to call my parents!! ROCK ON, Bob and Geri! Walk on, live on, laugh on, love on!