Reality, Hard Work, and a Big Dose of Grace

Today was the fourth day into this newest challenge in our lives - and by far, the hardest in a lot of ways. I have actually hit a wall tonite, so this blog will not be long. Hopefully after getting my dad moved to rehab tomorrow, I will have more time and energy to relate some of the things that have been going on around me and inside my heart.

Thankfully when the doctor came in this morning (I had stayed with dad for the third night straight), and checked the stitches, it seems to be healing well with no redness or infection. That is a praise!

There is a part of dad that is so glad that he does not have to worry about sores, infections, and a diseased foot anymore. But though he hasn't said anything, I know that he is also thinking of how different it is without either foot. Admittedly, to see my dad laying in the bed with two numbs, instead of feet, has been hard. More than anything, I, as his daughter, want to preserve his dignity. Being with him the last few days and being a primary caretaker, I have tried to keep him covered, properly presented, and as dignified as someone can look while sitting in a hospital bed wearing a hospital gown.

Last night, we both slept from about 11:30 until 3:00 a.m. when something woke me up! I decided that I would give my dad some water and see how he was doing. When I touched him, he was wringing wet (I am not exaggerating). Quickly we checked his blood sugar and it had plunged to 49. My dad uses an insulin pump that maintains a constant flow of insulin to his body - even while he sleeps if he does not suspend it. His diet in the hospital has been very little carbs, so he really does not need all that insulin, especially at night. It took us from 3 - 5 a.m. to make sure his sugar went over 100. That was a little disturbing as we realized that this has happened more than once this week and then quite often at home. He simply MUST be convinced to suspend his insulin pump at night. I was just glad that I woke up and checked him when I did. God is good.....

Today was a frustrating day and a physically overwhelming one for him. Not having the correct equipment and staff to know how to tell him to transfer from his bed to a wheelchair, dad worked so hard with no results. He finally fell back in bed and did not even want to eat his breakfast. He slept some and just seemed discouraged. But though I knew he was frustrated, maybe embarrassed, and discouraged, he kept trying to smile - and he never said an unkind word to anyone. After a couple of hours and with the help of an occupational therapist and a better system of transferring himself, he made it! He sat in the wheelchair for a little while. By the time his lunch came, he seemed ravenous and ate very well!

I came back my parents' house by 4:00 p.m. to try and get some sleep. I might have slept a couple of hours, but was simply too exhausted to rest well. After spending some time here at the house with my mom, I called my dad at the hospital and talked to him about whether he was expecting me to come and stay the night with him again. Of course, he would love to have me there, but I explained that I felt I needed to get a little more sleep. Promising to be there bright and early at 7:00 with a cup of coffee for both of us, he seemed fine. I made him promise to turn his insulin pump off tonite though I believe, after last night, the nurse will be more diligent to check him because they documented his "bottoming out" incident of last night in his chart. So, I am leaving him in the hands of our Heavenly Father....and will try to get some sleep.

Most likely, down the road, I will have my time when I fully comprehend all the emotions that I am dealing with this week. But not right now. Every ounce of energy must be put into care and support and encouragement for both my parents. Jeff left this morning to take care of some stuff at my parents' mountain house near Blowing Rock. I miss him so much. It was such a blessing to have him, Lauren, and her boyfriend Ben with me this weekend. They were all so helpful in making me not feel so "alone" in the task of caring for my parents and the things that need to be done. Now, that they are all gone for the week, I am trying to keep a good perspective.

Isaiah 26 has been the chapter I have gleaned from over and over the past couple of days. Verse 3 says, "The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You." Such profound truths at a time like this!

My dad and mom both willpower, stamina, and determination to make the best of this daunting situation and to also maintain a powerful testimony for their Savior to all who know them. They are well established in this walk of faith because of the 27 years of living out the intensity of having a terminal ill son. This is but another step in this thing called "walking by faith"!

It is times like these when TRUTH must prevail - not our feelings. A steadfast belief in the promises God gives us. NO MATTER what is going on around us.

I choose to sleep with those truths tonite.....and wake up to live them out!