So in less than 12 hours my dad will go into the operating room and have his last good leg removed. How do I feel about that? I edge between being numb and feeling an immense sadness. I have always thought of my daddy as strong and full of life. I'm afraid that this will take away his dignity. But then I have to realize that my dad IS a strong man, full of life - whether he has his two legs or not. It's just a protective feeling that I'm having, I guess. A few months ago, when he was struggling with another sore on that same foot, I began to look ahead at the possibilities if he ever had to have that last leg removed. The only problem about looking that far ahead into an unknown situation, we really do not have a clue what will happen. We THINK we know, but we really don't. Building bridges before the waters rush in takes so much unnecessary energy.
But tomorrow the dam will break open and the waters will flow into our lives....the direction? I have no idea! The intensity? Don't know that either. My dad seems at peace with this decision (really it had come to a necessity more than a decision) and I was comforted by spending time with him at the hospital tonight and then a few minutes with my mom here at the house. They both have amazing faith and this time is not an exception.
Dad said as he was praying last night that he was asking God again for the hundredth time to please heal the foot completely. Then he said that he swerved into doubting if his faith was too small. God took him to II Corinthians 12 where God told Paul that "My grace is sufficient for you; my power is perfected in your weakness". Dad said that he felt God was asking him, "Don't you believe that you have as much faith as Paul?" Dad answered, No Way! But then God said, "But Paul had faith and asked three times for me to remove something physically trying to him - and I would not. So that I could show my strength in your weakness." Dad knew that God was giving him what he needed to do this hard thing. God will be glorified and be enough!
My mom, though physically not strong, is a rock spiritually and mentally. I will do what I can do take the physical off her as much as possible, but lean with her into the faith that holds us together as a family.
As much as I can, I will update this blog throughout this process. It is my desire that God show Himself in amazing ways! He started that with this trip when he allowed me to spend 15 glorious minutes with him watching a sunset on Lake Waccamaw!
I choose to let the Great Physician do His perfect work with my daddy in the morning. Just glad that I can be there to take it all in!
"Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties...for Christ's sake: for when I am weak then am I strong (in HIM)." II Corinthians 12:10
No comments:
Post a Comment